Just Breathe
by EvanescentBeauty
Summary: A different version of Neil's suicide. Nodd. Dedicated to CloudedWisteria.


**A/N:** I'm a dirty hypocrite, I know.

_Dedicated to my BEST friend in the whole world, Mitsue. What would I do without you?_

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"Todd Anderson!"

Todd looked up from his desk at the call of his own name... even to himself it sounded strange. Why would anyone want to talk with him? Nevertheless, he stood up and walked briskly to the door, where he opened it up and peered outside. Hager was standing there.

"Mr. Anderson, you have a phone call," he said. Hager looked surprised himself that _he _was even saying it.

"A ph-phone call?" asked Todd.

Hager nodded.

"Down the hall."

Taken aback, a slightly dumb-struck Todd walked down the hall, ignoring Hager as he proceeded back into his own office. It was late... Todd knew... at least eleven. Maybe even later. There was no other sound in the hallway except for the recurring silence. All of the boys had gone to bed. He sat down on the small, wooden seat and picked up the phone, which lay there.

"Hello?" he said shakily.

"Todd?"

It was Neil.

"Neil," stated Todd blankly. "What's up?"

"I... I'm sorry Todd..." he whispered.

"W-what?" he said, not understanding.

"I... I'm just so tired..."

"Tired of what?" asked Todd boldly. The tone of Neil's voice... it was one that Todd had never heard before, and certainly not from someone so strong, like from Neil. It scared him worse than anything he had ever experienced before in his life. But for someone as shy as he was, he felt the words coming out of his mouth easily.

"This... everything... my dad... he's enrolling me in Braden Military school... tomorrow..."

Todd felt his heart drop. Neil was leaving... he would be gone. The only one who had ever taken him in, who had defended him, stuck up for his puny rights. He felt panic taking over him... something he couldn't let happen.

"No," he whispered.

"I'm not going," whispered Neil. "I won't let him force me. I have a much better way."

"N-neil," panted Todd. "N-Neil... what's going on?"

"I have my dad's pistol..."

"No!" cried Todd. "Neil... look, just don't panic... just breathe, Neil..."

"The funny thing is," chuckled Neil. "I'm not panicking... I'm not even scared... I'm..."

There was a pause.

"I'm happy."

Todd felt tears coming, and fast.

"Neil--!"

"I didn't call you to tell you that," whispered Neil.

"Neil, listen to me--"

"No, _you _listen," snapped Neil. "I need to tell you this, before someone realizes that I'm not in bed, sleeping."

No one said anything, there was only the sound of Todd breathing heavily, and the recurring silence.

"Neil?" asked Todd, his hands trembling so hard he could barely hold the phone.

"Todd, I... I love you."

Todd couldn't feel his fingers. His entire world had turned upside down with those three words... _I love you_. But how could anyone love him? Neil didn't love him, he was bluffing. Lying. Trying to torture him... tease him... was this all a joke?

"No you don't," whispered Todd.

"Todd, I don't want to burden you... I just thought you should know."

Todd said nothing. He didn't want to say anything... seem weaker than he already was.

"Say you love me," Todd heard him whisper over the phone. It was the scariest sound Todd had ever heard in his entire life. Yet he said nothing. There were seconds of silence between them, where no one said anything. Todd couldn't bring himself to say it... not now... not now, when he knew that admitting such a thing would only bring him more pain. If this was truly to happen, if this awful condemnation of his own friend was to actually occur, he would rather not dwell on things he couldn't change.

"Todd..."

Silence.

Tears slid down Todd's face.

"Goodbye."

Click.

"Neil!" cried Todd. "Neil!!"

He knew it was happening... his friend... it was happening right now. Or it had already happened. Maybe it was already over and done with. At least Neil was finally at peace.

"I love you," whispered Todd.

As he climbed into bed that night, pulling the covers over his head, not bothering to warn Charlie or the others... he could hear Neil's smiling face saying to him...

_I know._


End file.
